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Thursday, 07 February 2013

Tuesday, 05 February 2013

  • On being a non traditional trans person

    I am a woman. I am a transgender woman.  I am a non traditionally transgender woman.

    I have often joked that I am a tomboy born in a boys body. I don’t despise being a little butch. I am not completely uncomfortable with my body the way it is. In fact, with my recent weight loss, I have been so happy that I have been able to make my body more feminine without hormones.

    At this point in life, I have chosen a unique path. I don’t feel that I need to head down the normal transition path (hormones, surgery), so I’ve chosen to do things differently. I have been doing hair removal, and more recently fitness stuff, but besides that I haven’t gone out of the way to change my body. I have, to some extent, socially transitioned, with regards to a lot of people calling me Em, and using female pronouns, but even with some family and friends I don’t push it on that.

    I am a people pleaser. And that fact has it’s good and bad.  

    I use other people as an excuse to have fear over expressing myself.

    Ya see, in my ideal world I could switch from androgynous to girly girl from day to day, but I don’t live in an ideal world. And it sucks.

    Dysphoria really fucking sucks. I hate it. With a passion. I am constantly thinking about gender. Constantly analyzing everything. Constantly wishing that things were different. I don’t need to be on hormones, and don’t need to present super femme to be comfortable, but then I get stuck living as a male in the eye of society. The eye of god damn society is where my big problem lies. I want people to perceive me the same way that I understand myself in my heart. I want people to know that I am a woman. 

    My non traditional ( i would even venture to say genderqueer) expression and lack of desire to medically transition constantly runs up against this desire to have people know who the real me is.

    This last fall, I almost took a job where I would have been able to present as female full time. I was so damn excited. Then I got a promotion at my current job, where coming out officially (even though 90% of coworkers already know) seems impractical. I spent most of 2012 job searching, and was so hopeful for a job where my gender expression could be open, but nothing. Now i feel stuck. 

    I just want to be me. I want to pursue my own path in being a trans woman, but sometimes that really sucks to do, and really takes a toll on ones emotional health.

    the end.

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

  • A Special Journey!

    A Special Journey: since June 2012 I have gone from 212 pounds and living predominantly male (while doing transgender advocacy, but still incredibly insecure in my own body and identity) to 155 pounds and finally beginning to not only accept and advocate for myself as a transgender woman, but to also finally feel confident about who I am. It’s been a weight loss and gender journey. I’ve been getting laser hair removal but have changed my body through fitness, no HRT. I invite you to follow my blog to find out more!

Monday, 28 January 2013

Friday, 11 January 2013

mooshpitmatt

  • Visit mooshpitmatt's Xanga Site
    • Name: M (Pronounced Em)
    • Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 8/3/2003
    • True

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About Me

  • I'm just another human being trying to understand who I am and what I want to do with my life. I'm transgendered. Meaning I was born male, but identify as female
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Chatboard (10)

  • Eyesbehindthesoul
    Thank you for having the strength to be who you are. No matter what anyone says. You are beautiful! Keep staying true to yourself and just know that there are people here that will support you and not judge you.
  • AuthorSRClaridge
    Please heck out my romantic suspense novel, No Easy Way! and tell your friends. I'd love to hear your feedback. Thanks so much!! Have a great night! :)
  • PUMPKiN_ERiCA
    So random... But I lalalooove William Fitzsimmons! What's your favorite song of his?
  • dancingmonkeyinatutu
    This is a Japanese comic about intersex kids. It's really nice. Made me cry a few times. Maybe you will like it. :) http://www.thespectrum.net/manga_scans/?preview=manga_Intersexuality
  • LawaiGirl
    I praise you for being so strong. Good luck in all that you do.
  • turnyalightsdownlow
    you're an extremely strong person. thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. i can't say that i understand what you're going through but i truly appreciate you letting us into a part of you that i'm sure isn't easy for you to explain. i hope that you find love and true happiness in li
  • XxDaemonessxX
    You are a very strong person... I admire you. Good Luck...I hope everything works out for the best.
  • anawfullygreatadventure
    So this is mistersunshine_89. I added you on my public xanga...Which I just created.Oof.
  • anonymous
    Hey. How are you?
  • anonymous
    Hahaha...you have the same jacket as one of my friends.