11
I felt relieved to have shared. I awoke the next day ready to face the world. I head out to start a new week. The stories will continue. They make more sense if I know me. Gives meaning.
12
It was a nice day. Was it summer? Was it fall? The seasons change, always. Following them seems pointless. It was a day none the less. An average day, but a good day. I went outside. For a walk. Some how, some way, I ended up at a mall. I like watching people. I am a people watcher. I am not a stalker. I am an amateur sociologist. Watching interactions is fun. Each person has a story. Sometimes I make up stories. To give these people meaning. To me this was enlightening of my own self. The stories we make up show a lot about ourselves.
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I watch a group of children run to a store. They have already bought into consumerism. We cannot escape society, even at a young age. Instead we have to hope to change it. I am a consumer myself. Quite often I fall into this consumerism. I buy into the beauty myth. Despite the body I was given being male, I fight the same body image issues as a normal female. Societies pressure to be a certain person. That is not fun. I buy. I buy. I buy. I spend.
This is a filler sentence.
The fashion trends of the world, of society, shape me. I want to fit in. I want to be cool. I want to be like everyone else. I am a girl, I want to be just like other girls. Fashion shapes us all. Society shapes. Trends. Beauty. All is fading. Let us stop buying. Let us stop buying in. I just want to be me. I will shape society. Not society shaping me.
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I see a group of girls my age. They walk past. Some on cell phones. One is with her boyfriend. They are out shopping. Looking for a deal. I wish to join them. If i knew them, perhaps I could. When they look at me, who do they see? I want them to see me. When I look at them I see peers, I see potential friends. I see other girls. We share this in common. I see myself reflected in other girls. In other female gendered creatures. Some day, perhaps even today, everyone will see me as just another girl. Some people already do.
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I see another person who is watching the crowds. Perhaps we can be friends?
Comments (7)
so i can see by your blogrings that you are a christian and if you are then why did you change yourself i mean christian should know that god doesnt make mistakes and he made you a boy and that wasnt a mistake you are supposed to be a boy but you changed yourself and that is basically saying that god made a mistake which he didnt so why did you changed yourself im not trying to start an arguement i just want to know
@rebekah9111 - sorry it has taken me so long, xanga has been having issues on my internet, but i am back.
anyways, i have written on that topic some in the past. i also wrote an entire paper on transgenderism from a christian perspective. i could email that to you if you provide me an email address.
I do not think that God messed up, I am who God made me to be.
okay well i get that but i guess i still dont get is that god made you a boy but you changed yourself into a woman but i will never get it so yea and i would love to read the paper so my email is bekahboo611@hotmail.com
@rebekah9111 - i am just making my body more comfortable with who i feel internally (i guess you could call that the soul). i mean isnt it whats inside a person that makes them who they are?
i emailed it to you. please give me some feedback id enjoy talking
@rebekah9111 - so did you get it?
@rebekah9111 - hey just wondering if you got it and read it.
yes i did and i still just dont see why u would do that i mean god made u a boy and christians should be happy with what they were made i mean sometimes i feel like my life would be better if i were a boy or if i was even black but i dont paint myself that color and i dont go get a penis sewed on me so i just dont see how a christian can do that to god but i still respect u for making yourself feel better about u i just dont see why u couldnt like lose weight or do something to make ur self feel better in ur man body